The Despair Trilogy
by Lewd Concubine
Summary: A desolate heart is an empty one. Ichigo finds this out for himself when he attempts to save Rukia from her dismal fate. Dark and disturbing content. Grimmjow/Ichigo, Szayel Aporro/Ichigo.
1. The Darkness Within

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A VERY DISTURBING NON-CON SCENE. PLEASE AVOID IF THIS WILL BE A TRIGGER FOR YOU OR IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE.**

**Despair Trilogy: Chapter One**

**The Darkness Within**

**By: Ryoko (Lewd Concubine)**

At first, Ichigo could only think of saving her. Seeing her bound and helpless, chained to the sterile white wall really had a bad effect on his psyche. He just couldn't leave her like that. He was the hero after all. Even if he had come specifically to save Orihime, he could never leave any of his friends behind. It went against everything he stood for as a person. Kurosaki Ichigo never let anyone down if he could help it.

The high ceiling and corners of the room were obscured by a seemingly impenetrable darkness, the only light coming from the two torches flanking Rukia's limp form. The whole atmosphere of the place made him feel strange. It was oppressive, like the stagnant air was weighing down his very soul. He shuddered and shook his head to clear his thoughts, his lips a thin line across his face.

Knowing full well it had to be a trap, he stepped past the arched doorway and into the shadowy room, breathing a sigh of relief when he wasn't attacked right away. He didn't let his guard down because of this, but instead scanned the room for any possible enemies or traps, finding none. Ichigo wasn't that worried about it anyway. He felt sure he could defeat any Arrancar that came at him; he had thus far and didn't expect things to be different now. He resumed his search for enemies half-heartedly, swiftly giving the space a second over. He'd much rather just rush to Rukia and tear her from her prison, but he had been learning to be more cautious lately. It was prudent with such powerful enemies around.

He reached the middle of the room, soft footfalls echoing in the open space, before he realized Rukia was bleeding. His eyes widened as he heard the steady _plop, plop,_ of her blood hitting the hard ground. Even this far away, he could tell she was badly injured. Crimson rivulets ran down the side of her face and down her arms, turning the chains that crossed her body red with her blood. Her hair appeared to be caked with the stuff, sticking awkwardly to the side of her head. Her neck, he noticed, seemed to have several deep puncture wounds. By this time, he was close enough to see the numerous bruises that covered the rest of her body, turning her normally perfect skin all manner of colors. Ichigo cursed whoever had done this, a scowl darkening his features as he reached for her face.

He had never really realized how small she was until this moment, his hand on her cheek. Everything about her appeared fragile, from her petite waist, to her slender fingers, to her small, pink lips. He felt a stirring in his crotch at this thought and frowned, ashamed of himself. Now was definitely not the time for this. She was injured. He shouldn't be thinking things like this about her as she lay there limp and bleeding. It just wasn't right, wasn't _him_. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ichigo thought he heard laughter and he cursed himself, gritting his teeth against the sudden pressure in his skull. He shook his head violently and wished he could drown out that little voice telling him he really was this dirty, this perverted_, _this _wrong_. Even a king had to listen to his subjects; he could do nothing about it. Rukia's eyes fluttered against his hand and she groaned, making him shiver.

"Rukia! Rukia, can you hear me?" he asked, trying his best to ignore his earlier thoughts. He brushed her stiff hair out of her face as she opened her eyes, bleary and unfocused. She blinked a few times, almost as if she was trying to chase away a bad dream, and finally noticed him.

"I…Ichigo…" she said, slowly, her voice thick with sleep. She blinked a few more times and he could see her eyes coming in to focus on him. "I'm sorry, Ichigo. You had to rescue me again." She gave him a sad smile, the corners of her lips barely curving upwards.

"Rukia, who did this to you?" he asked, his eyes hard. She opened her mouth to answer, then suddenly stiffened, wide eyes darting to the side.

"Ichigo, behind you!" He turned, but it was too late, the fist came out of nowhere and collided with his face, sending him sprawling into the darkness. His back hit the wall painfully, knocking the wind out of him, and he slid to the floor in a crumpled heap. He lay breathless for a moment before wobbling to his feet, looking around for who had attacked him. His eyes widened as he realized who it was. There, standing near Rukia, grinning in the dim light, was none other than Grimmjow Jaggerjack.

"Yo, shinigami. Took you long enough," he quipped, hands on his hips, cocky grin still in place. Ichigo rubbed a hand across his jaw where he had been hit and frowned when he felt the slickness of his own blood on his knuckles.

"You bastard. What have you done to Rukia?" he growled, his hands automatically balling into fists at his sides. Grimmjow's shit-eating grin seemed to get even wider, if that was possible.

"I had to do something fun waitin' for you. Ya took fuckin' forever to get here," he drawled, one hand idly playing with a stiff lock of Rukia's hair. Even from his position in the darkness, Ichigo could easily see the look of fear on her face. Head turned away from Grimmjow, she was shaking like a leaf. "She broke kinda easy though, I hope you can take more 'n her," he continued, bringing the fingers that had been playing with her hair to his mouth and licking the blood off, a strangely erotic movement.

Ichigo's blood froze at the words and he saw red. Quickly reaching behind him to free Zangetsu, he charged Grimmjow-or tried to; he only made it a few steps before collapsing to his knees. His zanpakutou clattered to the ground as he fell to all fours, coughing up blood onto cold stone, staining it red. He swore as he tried to catch his breath.

"The fuck did you do to me?" he rasped, trying to stand up, but failing. His muscles felt so weak, he was shaking. Grimmjow laughed, a harsh sound that echoed jarringly in the silence.

"Not me, shinigami. You got Szayel-Apollo and Aizen to thank for that," he said, still laughing as he sauntered over to Ichigo.

He grinned down at him before kicking him harshly in the ribs, sending him rolling toward Rukia. The impact left Ichigo stunned for a second, long enough for Grimmjow to deliver another painful blow to his sternum. Ichigo coughed violently as his bones shuddered under the impact, spraying spit and blood all over the side of his uniform and the floor. He tried to move, to do something, _anything_, but was unable to. His body wouldn't respond to any of his commands. Above him, Grimmjow cracked his knuckles, and Ichigo closed his eyes, bracing himself for a blow that never came. Instead, he heard a shuffling noise and felt the cloth tighten around his throat as his enemy hauled him to his feet. Grimmjow smirked, shaking him a few times. He grimaced as his head lolled back and forth with each movement of the Espada's hand.

"Fuckin' weak, aren't ya?" he asked, dangling Ichigo in front of him, his body limp like a rag doll's. "That gas's real effective against you shinigami trash." He snorted, lips twisted into a scowl.

"You look so fuckin' pathetic right now. I can't kill ya. Too much fun to be had first." The manic grin was back as he said this, and Ichigo blanched, unable to say anything. Grimmjow shifted his grip to Ichigo's neck and shoved him face first against Rukia, who had been all but forgotten in their short scuffle. His head connected with her chin-she let out a small grunt-and he winced as he slid down to rest on her small breasts.

Grimmjow came up behind him and he could feel the man palming his ass cheeks through his hakama. He swore into the soft flesh in front of him and tried to turn his head, with no success. The hand continued fondling him even as he heard a loud tear and felt the fabric of his hakama slip away, heard it fall to the floor. His fundoshi were next, and he felt the cold air creeping across his exposed flesh as they also dropped to the floor. He heard Grimmjow laugh as cold fingers traced his tailbone and dipped into the cleft of his ass. Ichigo fought to move as the fingers reached his entrance. Certainly, Grimmjow couldn't be thinking of doing _that_. His voice came out breathy as the first of Grimmjow's fingers pushed itself inside.

"The fuck you doing, you piece of shit Arrancar?" he bit out, his ass stinging from the unwanted intrusion. For this he got a punch in the back and he stiffened, coughing up blood onto Rukia, who gasped. She whispered his name, but he couldn't make his body work well enough to look up at her.

"Aizen'll be here for ya soon enough, so shut the fuck up and take it like a man," Grimmjow growled from behind him, shoving a second finger through his tight sphincter. Ichigo shuddered at the sensation, his ass tightening painfully around the intruding fingers.

"Get the fuck off of me," he yelled, his voice muffled by Rukia's body so close to his mouth. He felt the hands behind him hesitate, felt the fingers inside of him pause.

"Thought the fuckin' gas was supposed to take care of that annoying voice of yours." Grimmjow griped as he repositioned his hand to Ichigo's waist, using Rukia to carry the rest of his weight. Ichigo grimaced, opening his mouth to reply, but found he had no voice. His breath came out in a hiss as the fingers inside of him retreated. He almost felt relieved about this until he felt Rukia's body shift and heard her pained moan.

Ichigo somehow managed to shift his head enough to see Grimmjow busy digging his fingers into the wounds at her neck. He snarled as the hand flew back from his sight and he felt the fingers, now slick with her blood, enter his ass. The bastard was really going to rape him, and he was going to use Rukia's own blood as lube. Ichigo closed his eyes. He wanted to vomit just thinking about it. Inside his mind, he heard laughter and he gritted his teeth, shuddering with suppressed rage.

Grimmjow shoved a third finger inside of him, and began to pump all three in and out of his tight ass. With his face pressed in-between Rukia's soft breasts, and Grimmjow's fingers now stroking over that oh-so-sensitive spot inside of him, Ichigo felt the first stirrings of desire fill him. Despite his best efforts, his dick began to harden. Grimmjow seemed to notice this and he laughed behind Ichigo, the sound echoing off the hard planes of the room.

"It's a good look for you, shinigami. Gettin' all turned on by the thought of this girl's blood in your ass," he said, still laughing. Ichigo made up his mind then. He was definitely going to kill the bastard. For what he had done to Rukia and himself, as well as everyone else, he deserved it.

The fingers alternated between stroking his prostate and just pumping into him and soon, despite himself, Ichigo's cock was standing stiff, pre-come beading at the tip . Ichigo cursed at Grimmjow, but received no reply from the Espada. He heard the swish of fabric behind him, felt the retreating fingers, and knew without a doubt what would happen next. Sure enough, he felt a hand land on the other side of his waist and soon after that, an unfamiliar hardness against his asshole. Rukia's body was shaking with quiet sobs-he could feel the tremors quite clearly from his position against her chest. He almost cried himself, wondering what exactly Grimmjow had done to her to cause this drastic change in her personality.

His thoughts quickly became muddled as he felt the hard tip of Grimmjow's cock slowly enter his ass. He gritted his teeth, but was unable to stop the small noise that escaped his lips. The pain was immediate and sharp. Despite having been stretched, he still felt like he was being torn apart by the enormous _thing_ pressing into him. It was far bigger than anything he'd ever experienced and it hurt like fucking hell. He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes as Grimmjow pushed the rest of the way inside, deeper than anyone had been before. He had no idea they came that big. He would have said it was impossible until experiencing it firsthand.

Grimmjow began moving, slow at first, and then faster until he was making even Rukia's body shake with the force of his powerful thrusts. It was painful until Grimmjow, grunting like some wild animal behind him, hit his prostrate, then Ichigo himself began to moan. He tried to stop, but each time the hard cock of his enemy pumped into him, he was unable to silence himself. Rukia's breasts were so soft against his cheeks, Grimmjow's cock so hard in his ass, that he could feel the pressure beginning to build in his dick, could feel his balls begin to tighten in preparation for his orgasm.

As if sensing this, Grimmjow pumped harder into him, thrusts making him feel like he would explode under the pressure. Again, and again he pounded into him, and before Ichigo knew it he was screaming, hot come shooting out violently to hit the wall and Rukia's legs. Eyes rolled back into his head, mouth wide-open against her, he hardly noticed how erratic Grimmjow's thrusts were becoming. Gasping for breath, he managed to shake his head a few times trying to clear it. The man was panting behind him, harsh breaths in time with his inconsistent thrusts. Ichigo knew he had to be close.

Grimmjow groaned, swearing loudly as he came. He pumped into Ichigo's sore ass a few more times before pulling out, slapping each cheek, and letting him drop to the floor. The sound of laughter echoed through the room as he lay on the cold stone, semen dripping out of his stretched asshole and down his leg to pool on the floor.

"I guess you're good for somethin' after all," Grimmjow said, still laughing, his footsteps sounding his retreat. From his position on the floor, Ichigo tried, but still couldn't move. Rapidly cooling semen staining both he and Rukia's bodies, he had never felt more pathetic in his life.

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Notes: Written in 2007 for the original anon Bleach kink meme at LJ. This is the edited version but it still needs a lot more work. Unfortunately, I don't much care at the moment.

The violence isn't simply gratuitous. There is a point to everything, as you will hopefully find if you keep reading. If not, it is my failure as a writer to properly articulate my intentions. Whichever the case, death of the author takes precedence here and as always in my work.


	2. Despair is the Root of All Evil

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS AN EVEN MORE DISTURBING NON-CON SCENE. PLEASE AVOID IF THIS WILL BE A TRIGGER FOR YOU OR IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE.**

**Despair Trilogy: Chapter Two**

**Despair is the Root of All Evil**

**By: Ryoko (Lewd Concubine)**

Ichigo's first thought upon waking was that it had to be a dream. No way had he been overcome and raped by Grimmjow. No fucking way he was that weak. At least, that's what he tried to tell himself. The cold stone against his cheek was a harsh reality he didn't want to face. If he just pretended he was on the floor of his bedroom, just ignored the dull, throbbing pain in his ass, everything would be okay. Normal. Safe.

For a second, Ichigo almost believed it, falling for his self-delusion. It was the nearby sounding whimper that caused him to snap his eyes open and appreciate the reality of his situation. He lay sprawled on the unforgiving stone at Rukia's feet, exactly where Grimmjow had left him. The torches around her had nearly run out of fuel, now casting only the faintest glow on her features. Besides her, there was no one else in the room, Grimmjow having long gone. Ichigo wondered how long he had been out, and why they hadn't come for he and Rukia while he had been lying there defenseless.

Looking up at her, Ichigo could tell she was asleep. Her chest rose and fell with deep, shaking breaths, her small mouth pulled back into a grimace that suggested she was having a nightmare. Ichigo tried to sit up, but found he lacked the strength to do so. He reflected on what Grimmjow had said before, and figured the gas he had mentioned must still be affecting him. From the looks of things, Rukia had gotten a dose of it herself. He wondered, once again, how badly she was hurt. From his position on the floor, things didn't look too good. This close to her, he could see the bruising in her lower legs and feet had gotten worse, turning her skin from sickly shades of yellow to something close to black.

The evidence of his shame on her legs and the wall was obvious, beading brilliantly white over discolored flesh. Ichigo closed his eyes, willing the disgusting image away, and sucked in a shuddering breath. He wasn't sure he could deal with it at the moment. It was a fresh reminder of his weakness, his failure. Instead of saving her, he had only made things worse. He gritted his teeth and tried once more to sit up. If he couldn't even save Rukia, who was right in front of him, how was he supposed to save Orihime?

Ichigo folded his arm under himself, and muscles straining, managed to pull himself half-way off the ground, his weight resting on his elbow. He panted from the sudden exertion, arm shaking, cold sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. He didn't know what was in the aforementioned gas that affected him this much, but he wasn't going to let it stop him. He had to get up. He had to rescue his friends. It was his job; he felt the pull of heroism down to the very core of his being.

After some intense exertion on his part, he finally managed to sit up. He paused, panting, strained muscles shaking, and waited to recover. Beside him, Rukia mumbled something in her sleep, sounding lost and forlorn. Ichigo grimaced as her voice trailed off, wanting nothing more than to help her. They had to get out of there, and to do that he first had to get up. Gritting his teeth, he reached out a hand to brace himself against the wall and tried to stand. He managed to get half-way there before collapsing to the floor again, the cold stone scraping his bare ass as he fell.

Ichigo reached for the wall again, muscles all but seizing up with the effort. However, before he could make another attempt at getting up, he heard a noise behind him. Ichigo froze, hand on the wall, and hated himself for yet another weak, animalistic reaction. He managed to turn his head and was greeted with the sight of an unfamiliar Arrancar leaning against the wall a short distance from Rukia. The man did not look like much, but Ichigo had not even heard him approach nor felt a trace of his reiatsu. The noise that _had_ alerted him to the man's presence was, in all likelihood, done on purpose. This was not a comforting thought at all, and Ichigo found himself unconsciously digging his nails into the wall.

This unknown Arrancar was silent as Ichigo glared at him. He tried in vain to lift himself up for the third time, and the pink-haired man smirked, uncrossing his arms and running a hand through his vibrant hair. "Oh-ho, still attempting the impossible, are we? None too smart, I must say," the man quipped, chuckling as he took a step toward Ichigo. "If you are any example, we will have little difficulty subduing the rest of your unfortunate species."

Ichigo's mouth twitched, the newfound feeling of uselessness creeping across his mind, its claws digging in deep. Adrenaline coursing through his system, he decided to continue with his brave front. He had never been one to succumb to adversity, and did not plan on letting the horrifying experience Grimmjow had put him through alter his personality the way it had for Rukia. Yes. He would be an example for her recovery, at least. "Dunno where you get your information from, asshole, but I'm not dead."

"Ignorant as well as weak. My, but I suppose one could expect no less from such a low class breed. Of course you aren't dead _yet_, dear, oblivious Shinigami. My gas has not completed its work." The man chuckled again, the annoying sound magnified by the heavy atmosphere in the room. By his statement, Ichigo pegged the man as the Arrancar Grimmjow had spoken of earlier. Szayel Aporro, or something like that. It was hard to say as the name was a weird one.

Ichigo opened his mouth to reply, but was overtaken by a sudden coughing fit. Lungs burning, shuddering, from the force, he fell onto his side, one hand coming up in an attempt to stifle the noise. Regardless of the pain he was feeling, he did _not_ want Rukia to wake up at the moment. Better she should sleep than have to witness his weakness and hear the insults of this Arrancar.

Finally, the fit subsided, and Ichigo groaned, his hand red with his own blood. As he stared at his sullied flesh, he began to wonder if Szayel Aporro was actually telling the truth. He still held out hope the man was simply screwing with his mind, but based on the way he was reacting…

"Ah, yes. Stage two. How terribly unfortunate for you. All too soon your body will begin to reject its own tissues. Of course, the starting point for such degeneration can be hard to predict, but with you it is obviously-"

"Shut up! I don't give a shit what you say, I'm not going to die from this," Ichigo responded, cutting the Arrancar off. He tensed, ready for some kind of retribution, but was met only with the slightest of smirks from the other man.

"Impudent, ignorant, and weak, with an over-inflated ego and sense of bravado. It becomes increasingly apparent you possess no redeeming qualities _whatsoever_. But no matter. Orders _are_ orders, after all." Chuckling yet again-how Ichigo just wanted to punch the arrogant fuck's face in-Szayel Aporro closed the distance between them, one foot pushing Ichigo onto his stomach. Aware of just how much danger of a repeat performance he was in, Ichigo strained his neck trying to keep the man in his sights as he struggled in vain to move. It was impossible to say for sure due to the glare on the Arrancar's glasses, but Ichigo felt sure the other man was scrutinizing his abused ass.

"As expected of Grimmjow, sullied beyond usability." The last was accompanied by a sigh, the man's eyebrows creasing downward in the smallest of frowns as he walked around Ichigo's prone body to stand by his head. Ichigo paled as Szayel Aporro grabbed a handful of his hair and lifted his head up. "Not a particularly appealing countenance either, but I suppose it will have to do." With a laugh, the Arrancar released him and stepped back, gaze turned the way he had come.

"I do not have all day," he said, motioning to someone Ichigo could not see. Another agonizing feat of endurance later, Ichigo had his neck craned to see the newcomer. Eyes wide as he took in this newest threat to his health, Ichigo blanched. He could not think of anything more disgusting than what he was seeing now. Of all the Arrancar he had encountered, this one was by far the least human looking. Short, stumpy legs held up a squat, round body with long orangutan-like arms. No head was immediately apparent. What drew most of Ichigo's attention was the…well, he hesitated to call it an erection, but supposed there was nothing else it could be. Either way, it was far too big for the body and made him uncomfortable in ways he did not want to begin to think about. Breath coming in harder now, he fought to move. There was no way he was letting that _thing_ get close to him. Grimmjow had been bad enough. Ichigo managed to crawl all of two feet before he was stopped by a foot slamming down on his back. Body rocking under the impact, Ichigo spit blood onto the floor and was still.

"How fortunate for you that you will be the first to interact with my newest creation. Naturally, it is less than ideal I could not run this test in my laboratory, but one needs do what one must." Ichigo paid no attention to the other man's words, instead focusing on the sound of heavy steps and dragging fists nearing him. A cold sweat broke out as he felt huge hands encircle first one calf and then the other. The pressure from Szayel Aporro's foot eased and he could feel himself being lifted from behind, but could do nothing to stop it. As soon as the thing's hands touched him he felt much weaker, as if he had no reiatsu left at all. Ichigo knew this was impossible, but could not think of an explanation for his sudden weakness. Even the gas had not affected him like this.

The thing shifted behind him and Ichigo closed his eyes, willing it all to be a nightmare. Several seconds passed and he was almost sure he had succeeded, but too soon he was drawn from his escape by a hand fisting in his hair. He gritted his teeth, not wanting to open his eyes, but did anyway. In the end, he supposed it was better to face reality and deal with it than dream of something different. He held on to this conviction even as the pink-haired man's expression tinged on the gleefully malignant, his eyes holding that crazed spark that Grimmjow's had earlier.

Summoning all of his strength, Ichigo breathed deep and let loose with all he had, spitting into that smug face. "You are all fucking freaks and dumb ones at that if you think this'll change me." The hand in his hair tightened until Ichigo thought he would end up bald. Szayel Aporro sneered as he used Ichigo's uniform to wipe his sullied cheek.

"I do so look forward to the day when Aizen-sama rids the world of you Shinigami vermin. Inelegant, unintelligent pests that you are." Smirking, Szayel Aporro drew back, freeing his half-hard erection from his hakama. "I _was_ simply going to observe, but it appears you need the extra lesson." Pinching Ichigo's nose, the Arrancar bumped his disgusting cock against his lips just as the thing behind him did the same. "I do hope you resist, dear Shinigami. Although I have no use for such a worthless specimen, I am certain you would make a fine meal for one of my Fraccion."

_Fraccion_… Ichigo had heard the word before, although he could not place where. Whatever the case, it meant this Szayel Aporro had to be an Espada. With this realization, his hope of escape, of rescuing those most important to him, dwindled and he choked on the breath he had so dearly been trying to hold. Instantly, Szayel Aporro's erection was in his mouth. Ichigo gagged at the intrusion and the Espada shoved it in further, until it bumped the back of his throat. It was all he could do to breathe as the man pulled out and shoved himself back inside. Breath wheezing around the large, unwanted object in his mouth, his scream was short lived when the Fraccion behind him made its move. The pain was so intense, he thought he might die. He had thought what Grimmjow did to him horrible, but he was wrong. This was so much worse. And, Ichigo reflected as the Fraccion made itself at home, bigger. There had to be a law against having a cock this size. It was unnatural. Through the blinding pain Ichigo could not find any room to protest.

Both Espada and Fraccion pumped in an out of his already abused body, sending him rocking from one to the other. Against his will, and in spite of the pain, Ichigo felt himself growing hard again, and hated himself all the more for it. He screwed his eyes shut. Was it possible? Was he really this despicable? A little voice in his mind whispered that _yes, yes he was_ and Ichigo finally found the will to fight back. At Szayel's next thrust, Ichigo bit down as hard as he could, teeth digging into and scraping sensitive flesh as the other man completed his motion.

"Ohhh, yes. Like that," Szayel hissed, groaning and gripping Ichigo's hair tighter. It was not the reaction he had expected. Ichigo felt helpless, his only weapon taken from him. But pleasurable for the other man or not, he refused to let go. If he was holding on, the Espada could not move. If he just resisted, maybe the other man would give up. He could make it through with at least his mouth intact.

A swift slap had his jaw loose and him realizing otherwise as Szayel Aporro resumed his thrusting. However, the pain in his cheek was nothing compared to the feeling of his insides being ripped to shreds by the thing behind him. The realization he could do nothing about Szayel Aporro, much less the man's Fraccion, was the most painful of all.

With his attempt at resistance foiled, he had nothing to focus on and his arousal returned. Each punishing thrust only made it worse. He was acutely aware of it, and unable to stop the sounds escaping him each time one of his abusers thrust into him. Szayel Aporro's laughter let Ichigo know he had noticed as well.

"Enjoying yourself, dear Shinigami? You should be. After all, he was personally tailored to fit your…physique," Szayel breathed, his chuckle punctuated by his thrusting into Ichigo's mouth.

Ichigo had no idea what the other man was talking about. All he knew was this was the worst moment of his life. He had never felt more helpless, or more aroused, than this. If he came now, allowing his enemies to take advantage of him for the second time, he would never be able to forgive himself. As Espada and Fraccion pounded into him, he forced his thoughts away from his situation. He thought of Ikkaku, Kon, anything to keep his mind off the present.

It almost worked. But then Szayel Aporro gasped and shuddered, coming hard. Jets of the disgusting stuff pumped into Ichigo's mouth until he could hardly breathe. Szayel's hand was on him a second later, forcing him to swallow around his cock. Shame burned through Ichigo's veins as the stuff slid down his throat, as the Espada pulled out and wiped his dick all over Ichigo's face. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see the other man's expression. The cooling warmth both on his face and sliding down his throat was enough he never wanted to open them again.

The sounds that had been suppressed by Szayel Aporro now surged forth, Ichigo moaning every time the Fraccion thrust inside him. The thing moving inside him was so big, so thick, so _warm_ that he could not help himself. As it picked up the pace, pounding into Ichigo with increasing force and speed, he knew he was lost. Ichigo had never figured himself for a masochist, but when Szayel slapped him again at his Fraccion's next thrust, he came, sagging in his enemies' grip. It did not take much longer for the _thing_ to finish, and when it did Ichigo again thought he might die. He still felt full after it pulled out.

The intruding hands left his body and he slumped to the floor, utterly drained. He wasn't sure if he could open his eyes if he wanted to, which he didn't. If Ichigo had his way, he never would again. Even if it was possible to recover from what had just happened to him, he had forgotten all about Rukia while he was being violated. He was sure she was awake now-how could she sleep through the noises he had made?-and absolutely did not want to see her face. He was so weak, unable to save anyone. What could she, or anyone, possibly think of him now?

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Notes: Written in 2009. The violence isn't simply gratuitous. There is a purpose for everything, as you will hopefully find in the next chapter.


	3. The End is Just the Beginning

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**Despair Trilogy: Finale**

**The End is Just the Beginning**

**By: Ryoko (Lewd Concubine)**

Ichigo did not know how long he had been lying there, and he was starting not to care. This was all his fault. If only he had trained more… The sound of footsteps halted this train of thought, although he did not open his eyes. He could tell Rukia was awake now and had been throughout his violation at the hands of Szayel Aporro and his disgusting Fraccion, and he did not want to look her in the face. He couldn't, now. Things were still bordering on the surreal, but if he looked at her, it would all be over. She had seen everything. Ichigo didn't know how he would face her again. He kept his eyes closed even as the footsteps got closer. What did it matter, anyway? He knew by now that what awaited him was yet another humiliation, and he was not eager for it to begin. Perhaps if he simply lay there, whoever it was would go away.

A foot nudged him and Ichigo again realized he would not be so lucky. Still, Ichigo let out a groan, but did not open his eyes.

"You are awake." The voice was warm, precise, and _not_ coming from the person who had touched him. Ichigo opened his eyes and all the blood left his face. He hadn't been wrong. There, standing not two feet away, was Aizen himself. Grimmjow hadn't been lying, after all. The man looked different from the last time Ichigo had seen him-shihakushou replaced by some odd-looking white uniform-but he still bore the same mysterious half-smile.

As if his mere presence was enough to make Ichigo ill, another coughing fit shook his body. He turned to the side and blood sprayed warm and thick on the already crimson tiles by his head. It burbled between his clenched teeth as he fought to control himself. Aizen's smile only widened.

"It is quite an effective weapon, don't you think?" Ichigo could not find the breath to reply. Instead, he turned away from Aizen to look at who had nudged him. He blanched again at the sight. Byakuya stood tall, but not proud. He was wearing nothing but a thin, white garment similar to Aizen's own. More than the obvious signs of Aizen's victory-the collar at Byakuya's neck and the bruises and welts covering his body-it was his defeated expression that let Ichigo know help was not going to be forthcoming.

"Bya…what…" Ichigo couldn't think clearly. He had never felt more hopeless in his life. If Byakuya was here, that meant…but no, no, he couldn't think about that right now.

Byakuya did not open his eyes or show any sign he had heard Ichigo. It was Aizen who offered an explanation.

"Did you expect that Soul Society was above fear?" Aizen's chuckle was warm, almost paternal sounding as if he was doing it all for Ichigo's own good. This false friendliness had deceived everyone. Ichigo felt sick, even moreso than before. His ass was stretched wide. He was full of foreign come. Rukia had seen everything. Yet somehow, Aizen's presence was worse than everything he had endured so far. The fact even Byakuya, of all people, had been brought so low did not sit well with him either. At that moment, Ichigo almost wished he had never been born.

"It seems you have little fight left in you. I'm surprised," Aizen said, and he motioned with one hand toward Byakuya. "Do you know how long it took me to break him?"

Ichigo coughed. It was fucking pathetic, but he felt tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. This couldn't be happening. It was one thing to have this nightmare happen to him, but to see Byakuya, ever noble, the symbol of Soul Society's strength, standing there like some kind of kicked dog, was a crushing blow. Anger and despair warred in his heart, and he was helpless to do anything about either of them. Throughout it all, he was painfully conscious of Rukia's stare on them both. He didn't have to look at her to know she was crying again. Aizen must have sensed Ichigo wasn't going to say anything, because he spoke again.

"Come, now. What did you expect? That it would be the same as with Soul Society? That I would not anticipate your every move? You are predictable at best." Aizen's words settled like lead in Ichigo's stomach. The stepped closer until his already imposing presence became almost unbearably so, his tall form towering over Ichigo's prone body. "You were able to succeed because I let you. Up until now, you have been doing nothing but dancing in the palm of my hand."

There was a persistent ringing in Ichigo's ears. He felt his heart thud slow and heavy in his chest while his stomach contorted itself. This was…impossible. It was just another of Aizen's lies, so why did it seem so real?

"I have no reason to lie," Aizen said, as if reading Ichigo's mind. His warm smile was the very mockery of paternal affection. "I am the one who has been leading Soul Society for some time now. Who do you think issued the order for Rukia to be assigned to your town? Moreover, who do you think sent that Hollow after your family? Everything has been by my design."

As these truths settled on Ichigo's shoulders, he went almost completely limp, any remaining tension leaving his muscles. If what Aizen was saying was the truth, it meant he had been played from the beginning. All of his accomplishments were not his own. He had simply been fulfilling all of Aizen's expectations. If that was the case, what real value did he have? He hadn't done anything that wasn't expected of him, hadn't had one victory that wasn't planned, hadn't made one move unanticipated. Ichigo had danced right into Aizen's hands. That meant that the fate of all his friends rested on his head. They were here because of his actions, and had been tortured and broken because of him. It was all his fault. Ichigo's closed his eyes, feeling the depth of this despair to the very core of his being. Somewhere inside, Ichigo knew it would be pouring.

Ichigo knew he was dying. He was dying and he was powerless to stop what was happening to Byakuya and Rukia, powerless to save them or Orihime. Worthless, powerless. He was _nothing_.

As if drawn by his thoughts, Orihime appeared next to Aizen. She was pale and in much the same condition as Byakuya. Yet still she smiled.

Ichigo's heart skipped a beat. He had to hold back the bile that threatened in his throat.

"You can't save me, Kurosaki-kun. Not like that," she said. Her words and gentle smile tore into his soul.

Ichigo couldn't hold back this time. He vomited, food and blood spraying the already tarnished stone. His throat felt like it was going to close in on him. And still they smiled.

Ichigo heard two pairs of footsteps before he Grimmjow and Szayel Aporro stepped out from behind Aizen. Other unfamiliar Arrancar lurked in the shadows.

Everyone was looking at him.

Ichigo panted. His heart rate picked up until he thought he might explode from the pressure.

"Stage four," Szayel Aporro said, his smile joining the others. Grimmjow was grinning too. Then they all laughed in unison.

Everyone was laughing.

He closed his eyes as sharp nails scraped along the floor of his consciousness.

Byakuya stepped on his throat.

Something inside of Ichigo snapped along with his neck.

.

When Ichigo next awoke, everything was different. All except for Aizen's smile.

"Rise, and join your brothers."

Ichigo did.

.

Notes: I believe this went out with a whimper instead of the originally intended _bang_, but hopefully the meaning is still clear. I dislike leaving things unfinished. I pretty much put a bow on this one and called it good. I might write a separate fic building on the end result here. However, this one is finished. Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed.


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